Saturday, 6 February 2010

Ashamed or Annoyed?

Today I hid in my house to avoid my MIL.

I know, how terrible.

What a dreadful DIL I am.

I just got to the point where I wanted to scream "Leave me alone!"

I know that's awful. She's a widow, she lives alone. Most of the time I remember this and I do oblige.

I answer her incessant phone calls mithering about when exactly we are coming to do her tulip bulbs, put in a phone extension, paint the bathroom, even though we told her it would be in half term.

I ran myself ragged trying to sort out her TV problems after the switchover when her son didn't care and her beloved daughter just said "You only watch the soaps anyway, mother". I figured the soaps were important to someone who lived alone and I tried hard to sort it out for her.

I was the one who told husband to go and clear her path when it snowed (well, he wouldn't think to do it, would he?)

I was the one who offered to do her shopping because she didn't want to venture out.

Most of the time I am a good DIL.

Today, however, I wasn't.

It was like this:

For the last few months she has been popping round unanounced on a Saturday morning for no reason in particular. Every Saturday morning! When she knows husband is at work. This morning I'd had enough.

You see, after working hard all week I need my weekend to be an oasis. Even if I am doing the washing and cleaning, at least I'm not being mithered by 130 kids and given endless administrative tasks by SMT. I can do the chores in my own time on my own terms. When she calls round it isn't to help, oh no, it's to sit waiting to be waited on while she totally depresses me with her negativity about everything. I just couldn't face it this morning.

Izzy has now got to the stage where she isn't so demanding of my time and this morning, she was occupying herself with a jigsaw while I was doing the washing, in between having a cup of tea and reading "Easy Living" magazine. I was just enjoying the peace and quiet when the phone rang.

I just knew it was her. I looked at the caller ID and it was. I let it ring. I know, how awful. I did do 1571 to listen to her message to see if it was important. It wasn't. Just wanted to pop round. I'm surprised she rang first!

I heaved a sigh of relief.

"She thinks we're out", I thought, "I'll get a bit of time to myself."

But no! 20 minutes later there was a knock at the door. I was upstairs dusting our room, but the blind was still shut. I crept into the en-suite and peered round the corner and looked through the obscure glass. Blue car. Hers. Mine was in the garage. It looked like we were out. I made a snap decision.

I crept back into my room and told daughter to be very quiet.

I know, I'm awful.

We hid for a bit and then the coast was clear.

How awful do I feel?

Well, to tell the truth, not very!

I'm a bit angry that I can't enjoy a Saturday morning in my own house.

I've now got to the stage where I try to think of excursions I can make on a Saturday morning with daughter so that we can be out!

Driven out of my own home!

Yet I do feel bad about ignoring her.

Maybe I'm being selfish.

I don't know whether to feel annoyed or ashamed!


libby said...

just human....don't beat yourself up....and this sounds like a terrible thing to say but I am quietly feeling lucky that my MIL is no longer with us........anyway relax....but just out of curiosity, what did your daughter think was going on? did you have to tell her who you were hiding from?

Working Mum said...

Libby - No, Izzy didn't know who it was and I just told her I was being lazy. Lucky I did because my persistent MIL turned up again in the afternoon and asked where I was in the morning; Izzy just blurted out "mummy was being lazy" so I said I just hadn't answered the door because I wasn't dressed. Phew!

Suburbia said...

Totally understandable though.

Kelloggsville said...

ooooo- almost caught out!!! I think I would try to find out why she is coming on a Saturday morning and deflect it to a time when hubby is in. His mother, his burden! It seems like you do our fair share and TBH this close to half term with everything you have going on, you deserved 2 minutes peace (I love that book!). (PS get a cleaner!)

Heather said...

oh man, i feel for you. It sounds like you do so much for her anyway, i wouldn't feel guilty about wanting your own time. Maybe you could try explaining that you need some quiet time first thing on a saturday morning or make up some other excuse to get her to come round when hubby is home

scrappysue said...

annoyed, and hubby oughta be backing you up here - you need your space!!!

Working Mum said...

Kelloggsville - she comes round on Saturday morning because husband isn't here! The trouble is, I'm the one who is nice to her, not him! She even phones when I've just got in from work, but before he does because she says he's grumpy with her! I need to get him to be nice to his own mum! PS Maybe when the house is finished there'll be some spare money for a cleaner.

Heather - I think I will have to say Sat morn not convenient, but suggest another time instead. And speak to husband about being nice to her so she doesn't mind cing when he's in. How ridiculous is that?

Scrappy - he thinks that because he works Sat morning, he's more hard done by so it's very difficult to get through to him. I will keep trying!

Moannie said...

Oh dear, this is a problem which is not going to go away on it's own. I'll not BEGIN to tel you about my MIL cos that would take forever and raise hackles.

Seems to me that this has to be tackled by both you and your husband, because it could be that she is either very lonely or needy or ill. Maybe a rota system whereby other DIL if any, could take up some slack, or tell her pointe blank that Saturdays are special to you and arrange other times. Not asy and I don't envy you, but it could, or alread has become a burr under your blanket.

Working Mum said...

Moannie - it does need sorting, but it's finding a way to get husband to talk to her without being so blunt she never comes round again. There are no other DILs and her daughter (who seems to treat her with as little respect as my husband does) lives in Sheffield. To give you an idea of how helpful she is, when I was trying to sort out MIL's TV she said she was glad she was 50 miles away! Some daughter she is! I need to think of a clever way of getting her to keep her distance but not feel unwanted.

Muddling Along Mummy said...

You have to have your OH talk to her - its not something you should get involved in

My MIL is the same, she comes over to 'help' and then makes life a lot harder

Mummy Cow said...

Been there, seen it, done it. I have caller ID so that I can answer the phone IF I have the time (and energy). I too have hidden behind closed doors. Nothing wrong with that - you have your own daughter and your Saturdays are precious.
I'm with you all the way!
MC x

xoxo... t said...

You're human! And what a funny story when I imagine you ducking around the bedroom.. hahaha

Amy said...

i would do the same! how annoying to have her just turn up every saturday, it would drive me nuts. I think you will just have to tell her to come round every other saturday becuase you've started a new mum and child group or some other story.

We went through this with my inlaws thinking they could just turn up whenever they fancied, i put a a stop to that firmly but politely.

good luck xxxx

cheshire wife said...

I can sympathise with you on this one having had problems with both MIL and mother. My MIL used to phone the minute I got home from work. I left her to the ansaphone and that put an end to the calls. I think that you need to re-arrange your Saturday mornings.

Sass E-mum said...

I think your organisation finally paid off. Most people can't fit their cars in the garage...