Sunday, 31 January 2010

I've unleashed something in the blogsphere!

After my last post I find that other bloggers have been feeling similarly put upon and there has been a bit of an outpouring. The suggestion of clubbing together to buy a kind of time share place where we can each go for a bit of peace and quiet away from the demands of husbands and children sounds quite tempting!

I know that I'm generally to blame for doing it all because I am a bit of a control freak and I like to do things myself to know they are done properly. However, having had a very busy time of it in the last two weeks and yet another Parents' Evening on Thursday, the thing that tipped me over the edge on Friday was this:

Husband: We need to sort out Sunday

Me: What about Sunday?

(He takes daughter to swimming lessons in the morning while I make dinner and sand the staircase)

Him: Well, you could come swimming with us, or you could come and watch, or you could meet us at the Aquatic Centre when her lesson finishes, or you could take her for her swimming lesson instead of me.

Me: Why?

Him: Because City's kick off is 1.30pm

Me: So?

Him: Well I can't take her swimming and bring her home and get to the match on time

Me: There is another option

Him: What?

Me: You take daughter swimming, you bring her home, you go to City

Him: I'll have to drive like a maniac!

Me: No, you'll just be a bit late

Now tell me, why do I give up choir rehearsals, sometimes concerts, rearrange hair appointments and generally make my life fit around daughter's and his commitments and he cannot possibly just be late for a football match?! Not even miss it, just be a bit late!

Why was his first thought to get me to put myself out for him and not just be a bit late?

Sometimes I think I have two children.

Well, I have accommodated his lifestyle for long enough, the worm is turning!


Suburbia said...

When we give birth, we quickly learn that we are the least important one in the family, seems men NEVER realise that they too, should take a back seat for their children. They carry on happily being selfish and happily seeing us 'loose' ourselves. I wrote something about it this week.....Oh I could rant forever on this one!

Fat, frumpy and fifty... said...

You do!!!! Its driving me barmy..l'm on my bed with laptop cos 'they' want to watch a dvd..its on through the speakers so loud l can hear it over my earphones and the bed is! not in god way...l'd be grateful for nay morsel!!

A Woman Of No Importance said...

So, WM, £300 for each of your followers and mine included, and Sazzie's, that should give us enough for a timeshare somewhere, non??! I'm all for it! Courage, mon brave! xox

Kelloggsville said...

It's a mum's where the buck stops. It doesn't matter that you both work full time, the child care buck stops with the woman and that mindset drifts into the home surrounding too. It's as frustrating as hell, I wish I knew how to shake mine up so he felt the same level of responsibility. I blame the way their mothers brought them up!

Good Luck xx

family affairs said...

You go girl Lx

Maggie May said...

You have a point! We really do need that time share.

Nuts in May

Iota said...

I hear all this, and I so agree. I have had phases when I've been so fed up with being camp co-ordinator: who needs to be where, when, with what kit, having eaten what food, etc etc. It can be very relentless.

But ladies, let me sound a warning bell. When I was undergoing chemotherapy last summer, I had to let go of the reins. Husband took on responsibility for everything, and you know what? I HATED it. It was like being demoted. I hadn't realised that deep down I do like being family Chairman and Chief Executive. So be careful what you wish for...

I think the ideal is to be Mum Supreme, but with time off for good behaviour every now and again.

platespinner said...

Interesting this one. I've often felt the same way as I do seem to be organiser in chief even though I work more hours than my husband. However, I agree with Iota, I would find it quite hard to let go of the reins altogether. I think it depends on the situation. If it's something 'big' i.e. childcare, potty training etc I want to be in charge. If it's something 'smaller' - like doing some of the general running around, then no I don't want all the responsibility to fall on my shoulders. But yes, it would be nice if I wasn't always the one who has to dream up what we're having for dinner the second I walk through the front door!

Claire said...

It's the same here plus I also get the comment that I don't earn therefore have no say. I've come to the conclusion that men are selfish creatures and nothing will change that.

In the meantime I'm going to do my best to bring up my two boys differently, however they have dad as a role model so I'm not holding out much hope!

Catharine Withenay said...

Blimey - I fear for your husband right now!

Then again ...

What a tragedy it is that women still feel so oppressed by the home. I heard the other day that the biggest rise in suicides is in middle-aged women. Are we learning we can't have it all? If not, why not?

Rant could begin now, but I'll save it for my own space.

kestrel said...

You are right, the husband is sometimes a child too. But don't fret too much, my cousin has 3 sons (2 sons and a husband)and when she tells me some of her stories, I am glad I have only one daughter and one son (husband!)

Working Mum said...

Claire - I am so utterly apalled at your husband's comment that I have to vent my spleen (especially as I know your husband and would never have imagined him to be like that - I am looking at him in a different light!). I once told a friend's husband that he couldn't do his job so easily if it weren't for his stay at home wife doing everything else for him and if he were a bachelor it would be very different - made him think (for two minutes). I hope you can make a difference with your boys; there didn't seem to be an imbalance in our house until daughter was born, the advent of children certainly changes things; that's what you need to teach your boys.

Working Mum said...

Suburbia - very perceptive of you, how right you are, men don't learn to put their children before themselves like we do. Hence my having two children!

FFF - There is research to show that lack of quiet can affect one's health - you need that timeshare place!

A Woman of No Importance - unfortunately all funds allocated to holiday, new car and new computer at the moment, so it'll have to wait.

Kelloggsville - yes, my MIL would certainly have to shoulder some of the blame, as a SAHM herself, she dedicated herself to looking after her husband and expects me to do the same for her son - she was appalled that I refuse to do his ironing, but we both work, we both wear clothes, why would I iron his?

Iota - a good warning, but I don't want to abdicate all responsibility, I just don't want to have to accommodate him as well as daughter; I want him to take some responsibility and help!

Platespinner - I did have a phase before Christmas when he asked what was for tea and I said "I don't know, what do you think?" and he soon realised that thinking up and cooking a meal the minute I walk in from work is not easy.

Catharine - as I've concluded many times since starting this blog, it is not possible to have it all, we can have jobs and even careers, but something always has to give and at the moment it's my sanity!

Kestrel - yes, soooo glad I have a daughter, at times she is more help than husband even though she's only five! My aunt had four boys and a husband and you should hear her tales!

the mother of this lot said...

I have no sympathy. If you'd married a United supporter he wouldn't have had to bother about the kick off till 4pm. And he would have seen more goals.

I'm back, by the way.

Polly said...

Oh god do i know that feeling. We are late for everything OTHER than Rugby.

farming-frenchstyle said...

I've tried it with my husband - turning, that is. Fed up with clearing cups and glasses away, I tried to get him to be "more responsible for himself". I gave in, it was much easier!

Heather said...

oh yeay, can I come too? Men really never seem to realise that their lives have to come behind the childrens as well. I remember the hard time I had getting hubby to look after the kids for one day a week whilst his work was slow, even though he was home most days pottering around. so annoying.