Friday, 29 January 2010

I Vant to be Alone

I am fed up with being the enabler of the family.

I am fed up with being the problem solver.

I am fed up with being the one who ensures everything runs smoothly.

I am fed up with having no time to do what I want to do even if it is just to do nothing.

I am fed up with not getting a good night's sleep.

Sometimes I just want to go and live on my own.

In a neat, tidy, clean house that no one messes up or damages.

Where no one mithers me.

And no one expects anything from me.

Where I can have time on my own.

Not for ever.

Just for bit.

36 comments:

Maggie May said...

Sounds good. I'd like to live in a place like that too. Mind you...... it might be lonely!

Nuts in May

Crystal Jigsaw said...

It gets like that sometimes doesn't it. Take care xx

xoxo... t said...

AMEN sister

Working Mum said...

Maggie - as I said, not forever

CJ - yes, I know it will pass, as I said, just for a bit

Working Mum said...

Tara - I guess we all feel like this at times

Brighton Mum-Teenage Angst said...

Yes, I think we do all feel like this sometimes, but as you say just for a bit, just to do nothing.

Kelloggsville said...

hey - that was going to be my blog post tonight!!!! I kinda have to imagine the world without them at all (horrid thought) and that usually helps me move past the 'doormat' feeling.

Hope it gets better as the weekend goes on xx

mater familias said...

It was funny to read what you wrote tonight, as yesterday I just wrote a bit of a similar list for myself. I had been thinking about my childhood (cue wistful nostalgia etc) and I tried to actually articulate what I missed about it. One of the things was being very slim and able to eat what I wanted without guilt or consequences (not quite what you were talking about I know!) but the other thing was the being looked after instead of doing the looking-aftering, and the ability to do things freely without any sense of a self-imposed deadline cutting me short because there were chores to do or a husband to get back to and relieve from the childcare etc. I didn't write it just to feel sorry for myself (although I feel a bit tearful now!) but because I hoped if I figure it out, maybe I could rebalance the equation a bit. Maybe this is a vain hope!

Ladybird said...

This is beautiful!!! I am enjoying your blog.

rosiero said...

when you find it, let me know where!!

BNM said...

If we all promise to be good can we all go there on a timeshare basis?
BNMx

Working Mum said...

Kelloggsville - I know I wouldn't want it permanently, but a little space to just be would be nice.

Mater Familias - I think it's called growing up and being female! I think what pushed me over the edge tonight was husband being annoyed that I won't bend over backwards to enable him to get to City's match on time on Sunday - why can't he compromise for a change? Why do I miss rehearsals or concerts, but he won't be late for a football match? The one time I stand up for myself and refuse to put myself out for, let's face it, a hobby of his and I am made to feel like I've done something wrong!

auntiegwen said...

Nothing happens in my house unless I enable it. Sending lots of empathy your way :) x

Working Mum said...

Bare Naked Mummy - Of course. In fact your comment made me think- didn't women do things like that way back?didn't women go to hospitals to rest or give their children to a family member for while? I seembto remember Reading something about it.

Sharon Owens said...

Ha!!! I sometimes say I will rent a small flat in a posh building and have nothing in it but one chair and a kettle - just to get away from the housework for a day or two. It is endless, isn't it? Even with ready meals.

What I do is just tidy one room and then have a cup of tea in it, and relax for ten minutes. Next week I am going to get a trendy bob cut - my first attempt at glam ever - I am 41. The housework can wait on that day. Wish me luck!!!

Shanta Everington said...

I know how you feel. I love my life as a working mum. It's just that sometimes I wish I could have a parallel life elsewhere!

cheshire wife said...

I know the feeling! I hope that things improve.

The Merry said...

Sounds like we had the same kind of week.

I'm planning to have next week turn out absolutely fabulous, full of peace and quiet and chocolate-covered serendipity.

rosiescribble said...

As a single parent who has to do absolutely everything in our household or nothing at all would get done, I feel exactly the same.

Aky said...

Go for it - let's buy a property and take it in turns to go there!! It would need a comfy sofa, a bookshelf full of stuff to read, somewhere to make a brew, and somewhere to take a long bath in peace!!!We have simple needs so why is it so hard to have them met??

SMS said...

It's not an original idea, but I have been known to propose that I (too) need a wife to provide me with the kind of back-up supporting services which we wives/mothers are expected to supply for the household!
Hands up, who HASN'T been there?

Fat, frumpy and fifty... said...

you , me and auntie gwenie caught up in this maelstrom of discontentment...

it shall pass and l hope we find something tangible and sustaining at t'other end...

Working Mum said...

Auntie Gwen & Rosie Scribble - I don't know how single mums do it; the unrelenting nature of being a mum and running a house is exhausting. However, given that I have a husband, I don't think it is unreasonable to expect him to share the burden otherwise might as well be on my own and have less washing!

Working Mum said...

Sharon - that haircut sounds fab! Hope you love it!

Shanta - don't you sometimes feel that you've just added working to your jobs as mum and wife? I feel like I'm doing all three!

Merry- How? How? Please tell me!

Aky - I think it's called The Priory! I've already had one friend go there!

SMS - definitely! I think a lot of us need a wife. As I keep concluding - it is not possible to have it all, we, men or women, can't work and manage a house and family without support.

Working Mum said...

FFF - do you think it's something to do with the time of year as well? I got some sunshine today and felt a bit better.

what happened ?how did i get HERE? said...

Came to you via aunit G and FFF.....I too feel like this every day!! I currently juggle working full time, the needs and wants of 2 kids,a big morgage, lazy arse ex hub, quite demanding boyfriend, 2 guinea pigs and a cat. I am not ill or disabled, nor are any of the people/pets mentioned above. So what is my problem??? Age and heading towards the menopause probably and feeling like the little red hen - doing everything for everybody, to keep everyone happy. I have no hobbies, and to be quite frank, can't be arsed to make sure that no-one is going to be inconviencienced by me doing something just for ME!!! As I type, my daughter, who should be with her dad, is updstairs having come home early. I am now off to Tesco, when I had planned to do some sewing, so SHE CAN GET GLUE FOR HER COURSEWORK DUE IN TOMORROW. I am soooooooo pissed off. And she now has the hump because I told her I'd rather not go to TESCO!!!Maybe we should form a club?! Or an escape committee!!? Mae xx

Working Mum said...

Mae - I think that was a case of light the blue touch paper and retire! At least you've got it off your chest now! I think we need to start training our kids to do more - my mum would never have got stuff for my coursework for me; my school work was my responsibility, but now we do everything for our kids. Interesting to see what Kirsty Young comes up with in The British Family tomorrow - have we become too child centric is the theme.

Iota said...

I HEAR YOU. We used to live next door to a B&B - a very nice one. I went through a long phase when I really, really wanted to book a room there, and leave my own home every evening, and spend evenings and nights on my own. I thought it would be blissful - peace, quiet, cleanliness, not having to be 'on duty'. I told a couple of friends and they thought I was joking. I wasn't. I REALLY meant it.

I love your word "mithers".

Amy said...

ooooh yeah i've been feeling exactly the same recently, save a room for me so i can escape too xx

Lucia said...

Yep, been there. About 5 times a day. I always think a house next door would be good.

Suburbia said...

Yep, me too! Even whilst trying to get rid of my unloving and ungrateful husband I am still trying to sort it all!

Claire said...

Hear Hear

Claire said...

Hear Hear

libby said...

I'm joining the chorus....I dream of just getting on a train with a book and a flask (how old does that make me sound??)and getting off at some far away coastal town and booking in to a b+b for a few days....then a few days later I will step back on to the hamster wheel refreshed and ready to go........wonder why I don't think 'expensive spa' and dream b+b?? As someone else said, our needs are few....it's just time and appreciation that we crave..

Katie said...

Ok, I have to put in my 2 cents worth as well. I remember hearing about an aquaintance who left her husband and children for another man. Another friend and I agreed that it was not tempting at all to think about leaving for another man, but, for a nice empty apartment, all alone.....oh, yeah!

Working Mum said...

Libby - Funnily enough I've dreamed of booking in to the B & B next door to school. It's nothing flash, but I'd get some peace and my breakfast made, then no traffic jam to work!

Katie - oh heavens no! I wouldn't contemplate another man to cope with, but a lovely empty apartment would be heaven!