Sunday, 7 December 2008

Getting things off my chest - literally

Here's the thing. I thought I was getting better. I thought the steroids were working, but they didn't. I went back to the doctor on Wednesday and he has now given me an inhaler to use, but it is having no effect. I have symptoms akin to asthma, I can't breath in, I have a tight chest, I can't breath out, I just cough. It feels like someone is sitting on my chest the whole time and every breath is an effort.

At work I can't teach properly because I can't project my voice across the classroom. Each lesson is an endurance test as just disciplining pupils takes all my breath and then I cough and cough. I can't take time off because, even though I've now finished all my subject reports, I have two classes to prepare for exams in January and this week my form's reports are due. And report deadlines wait for no man. Also, everyone is so busy/tired/stressed at work at the moment I would be deeply unpopular if I was selfish enough to take time off and they had to cover my lessons. (My school doesn't get supply teachers in to cover, we have to cover each other).

Also, I can't sing, which is just my favourite thing. I can't even sing around the house, or sing daughter her lullabies. I haven't been to rehearsals for three weeks and I'm going to have to pull out of this week's concert and I love Christmas concerts. I've missed so many rehearsals and concerts through illness in the last year that I'm beginning to feel guilty about taking up a place in the Manchester Chorale.

And I can't even read bedtime stories to Izzy. We are now working our way through her books on CD so that someone else reads the story while I turn the pages. How sad is that?

And I've started having my recurring nightmare again. The one I've had from being a child. The one about being smothered by a giant duvet. What's that about?

Anyway, I am sooooooooo fed up I had to get it off my chest.

Now will this infection just get off as well?

7 comments:

gigi said...

I feel so bad that you are still sick!!! And I can't believe you can't get a substitue for your class! That's the pits! So what happens if they have to put you in the hospital? I'm going to pray you get a Christmas miracle. You need one NOW.

ps: I googled the picture on my blog of the Santa in the parade. I wish our towns looked that GOOD, but it doesn't. That must be New York or something.

Expat mum said...

Well the dream sounds like your physical symptoms. You don't by any chance have a real Xmas tree? I was always rendered totally useless by them and we now have a very nice (8 foot) fake. We have been decorating it all day and even the dust from the boxes made me tired and wheezy.

Maggie May said...

Aw...... felt like crying when I read this. Life seems so unfair at times. All the things that are meaningful to you, taken away.
I find that the bad things in life come in droves and then ebb away again & leave you in peace.
This is the time of year when our bodies are at a low ebb, due to the lack of sunshine. I have a sore throat & feel a bit yucky, myself.
Its not fair that you have no cover at work if you are ill. That puts tremendous pressure on everyone and the germs will continue to spread!
Sending up a few prayers for you!

auntiegwen said...

You are having a bad time of it. We don't get supply cover either and since the October half term I have taught

Yr 10 Physics - The Greenhouse Effect

Yr 12 History - The Spanish Civil War

Yr 11 English - descriptive writing

Yr 11 Religious education - Buddhist festivals

Yr 10 - Geography - urbanization

Sometimes I amaze myself !

Hope you feel better soon xx

Suburbia said...

So sorry you're still poorly but (I hate to say this)you really do need to rest! DO NOT GO TO WORK!!! If it gets worse (and I hope it doesn't) you won't be able to go to work and they will have to do without you. You must look after your self. Her endeth the 1st l.........

Claire Sutton said...

Sounds like you're going to need more than 2 weeks off over Christmas to get over whatever it is that you've got!

Suzysoo said...

So sorry you feel like poo!

4 out of my 5 children have it too!

I'm ok at the moment. I will get it bang on Christmas-you watch!!